Canoe:1 Cranium:0

I feel that I can write this, now that my bruise, and the shame of it all, has finally gone. My last shift at the fire station, was pretty boring. Helped a poor lady that fell out of her wheel chair, hung with the boys, and we all turned in for the night. A fire call came out around midnight. Smoke visible, not sure where it was coming from. I was in the tiller that night, so we drove to the neighborhood it was reported in, and circled...and circled... and circled... for what seemed like forever. We finally found where we thought the smoke was coming from. Captain Cluff told me to get out, talk tothe homeowners, and ask for permission to enter their backyard to look for the fire. I jumped off the truck, and just had my t-shirt and fire pants on, not fully "turned out", or, not fully clothed in my gear.  I searched around, (Of course, all the junk in the world resides in this backyard) couldn't find it. Came around front, where the rest of the crew was fully turned out, and each doing their own assignments, setting up ladders, using the thermal imaging camera etc. I decided to go for my gear, which was still in the truck. Now, before I go ANY further, I'd like to point out, I'm 5'2" I usually miss a lot of stuff overhead. I walk in between a car and a pick up that are parked in front, when... CRACK!!! I looked up, at a long, ugly fiberglass canoe sticking out of the stupid truck. It was a blue color, the same color as the sky at 1am, therefore it was completely camoflauged. Now, what's the first thing I was asked by people? "Were you wearing a helmet?" To which, I hang my head in shame, that I was going to get the flippin' thing, when this happened. Whats even better, the crowd that gathered to see what was going on, sat and watched the whole thing happen. Not a smile, not a laugh, not an "are you ok?" nuthin... I grabbed my gear and put it on, ducking my head the whole time. What's best about this story?? The lady barking at us for the smoke aggravating her asthma. She then walks 10 feet, and what else? Lights a cigarette. She then asks the captain, "Isn't the fire smoke SO bad for my asthma?" His response: "Nothing more than that cigarette is doing...."

PARADE

This past Saturday, was the Strawberry Days parade. I have always been excited to walk in it, as 4 years ago, it was what made my decision to return to the fire service. I saw them walking, and ran into an old friend from another department, Jason. He told me to come and train with them. Later, I met the chief, and decided I'd work my way back. The next year, after being hired on, I was ecstatic to walk in it!! Although, my entire family was out of town. I walked and loved it, but it was a downer for me, knowing nobody knew my accomplishments. The last year, I decided not to even walk. I had some other work things going on, and decided I'd avoid it. This year, I knew I had to. I have no marriage anymore, and knew possibly I'd have some family. But I did it for me, to walk with my friends. It proved to be AWESOME. So great. We displayed the last 100 years, of fire service, starting with a hose cart, the our old fire truck, and an engine, then our new tiller truck. We all walked behind it. I had people yelling my name, other people clapping and cheering at "the female one" and I high fived children along the way. The best moment, was an odd duck walking down his driveway, asking me to come over to him. I ignored and kept high fiving. Once he caught up to me, he claimed... "Ma buddy had a flower for ya, but he chickened out!" I ran closer to my boys LOL. Such a funny moment, as I typically have them. I saw my nephews, and my parents, and my nieces family all there waving. It was great, and a great moment for me to see how far I have come, and how much more I still need to accomplish!

Symbol of Strength...

From the beginning of time, fighters have been known for their courage, bravery, and their strength. Along this line, falls the public safety heroes, military of course, and medical workers. These are our fighters. Recently a big change has begun in my life. The most difficult time I have yet to face. I cannot begin to describe, how broken and fragile I am, despite the responsibility I owe to the citizens I work for. Firefighters are a major symbol of strength. What I'm learning about myself most through this, is that while I am required to maintain my strength, it is impossible for me. Until, I walk through the doors of my fire station. A fire captain relies on his crew, for them to perform the required duties he assigns each call. A partner, relies on his partner, to back him up in all ways of the call, two in, two out. And as a team, we rely on each other to make it through the smallest of medical issues, up to the biggest home explosion disaster. What I have learned, is although I am the weakest at this point, my brothers some how have enough strength to spill over to me. While my captains rely on me to work smart, they have no idea how much I rely on them right now, and they more than support me. While I feel most alone, and usually choose to be, I have never felt more love, and caring, than I have of my brothers and sisters at the station. A true circle has formed around me in a way I can't explain. I'm scared of ever doing anything, to break that loyalty circle. The community relies on me when they dial 911, but I really rely on them these days. It's a pleasure to serve someone in need, when you feel so broken you can't breathe. You forget about it for a second, and I am thankful to help in their time of fear. I've always been a proud part of this extended family, and so honored to be a part of it. I will never know how to repay them for carrying me through this time in my life, but needless to say, I feel as though as instead of 2 in 2 out in my emergency, its me in, and 55 carrying me out. They truly are, my symbol of strength. Thank you, my fire family.

Lil' Heroes

Ask any little boy you see, and what does he say he wants to be when he grows up?? A Fireman. Some say police, but they realize they are better than that, and move on to firefighting :) At the station, we typically do tours at the fire station. We show the scout group, class, church group around, and answer questions. They all have similar questions, and the thought of sleeping over and "living" at the station they can't believe. They all love the trucks, but who doesn't! We sneak in fire safety tips, and safety lessons in hopes of prevention. Last month, I had a very special visitor. Shey. She just turned 3, and calls me "her hero." The tought of it, makes me misty eyed. Never once growing up, did I want to be a firefighter. Not until age 20. Every little girls dream is a princess, a mom, a movie star. The thought that she is impressed by my job, makes me the proudest I'll ever be. Plenty of boys have run through the station, and I've heard the various banter.... "whoa, a girl!!!" or "are you a fireman, er fireperson??" The utter shock nearly sends them to the floor. Or if I'm asked where I work, and I answer, the common response is.. "Oh, like a secretary?" Coyly I reply, "Not even close...." Shey came to see me, with a little cousin that was also a girl. I showed them where I ate, slept, and the stinky boys I work with. Shey loves ambulances, and asks her mom when she see's it, if I'm in it. She sat in my seat on the fire truck, and as any girl would notice, loved the red seatbelts. She talks to her mom about the "fire place" often and asks when she can come back. Her visit was just the dose of motivation I needed. A little 3 year old girl, who loves my job, and that we both love the color pink. I'm amazed that she is entertained at the idea that I ride around in big red trucks and help people. Who knows what Shey will do when she grows up. However, with her ambission, and spit fire personality, I know it'll be something amazing. She reminds me of someone I know too well ;) She truly motivates me to be proud of myself, and to work harder, for all the little girls who will fill the boots someday!! Thank you Shey!

Wear your seatbelt!!

A couple of powerful links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRw8pbtN1WI

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D6kYqjTA_VEg%26feature%3Dfvw&h=377a2508af892bb8439ab43b95de9815

Geri's

In the past I have professed my love for the oldies. People that is, geriatrics. I like to call them blue hairs, or "Geri's." They bring their own set of challenges for the medical world. Illness, thin skin, fraile bones, crazy vital signs, and with that comes a history. Not a medical history, but rather a history of amazing lives, service, and hard work. I love nothing more, than to take care of these patients in the back of my ambulance. Boy do they pack a punch... not physically, but verbally.  I'll never forget, a lot of the sayings, comments, complaints and swear words I gather from them.  Some would be astonished at the way they behaved in my care. Trust me, I do not judge them. They bring with them a legacy. I try to never forget that. Without them, where would our country, our communities be? My heart aches when I see them truly suffer. It is bitter sweet, when they pass on. I know they are relieved of any pain, and suffering, but what stories and that of their legacy is lost... Some of my favorite patients, were the meanest ones to me, and I giggled constantly under my breath at them! In fact, I'll share with you, a couple of my favorite "geri" quips...

we travel in six, four on an engine, two on an ambulance, this way we are always prepeared. This gentleman thout it was too many...."How many of you does it take to screw in the lightbulb??" to which my partner Brian answered, "Depends on the lighbulb..."

different call...Me, "How's your pain now sir?" his response... "It'd be fine if it weren't for these GOD-DAMMNED BUMPS!!" I apologized for the roads...

sweetest, little old lady looks at me, and says "will you wipe my crack?"

the common favorite, "I need my TEETH!" so I find the teeth...

"get my wallet!"  ma'am, I have it.. "no you don't, you don't know where it is!" ma'am, I have it, "No you don't! its in the kitchen," ma'am I have it, "no you don't!" ma'am, I've got it! "well I need to show you my medications!" ma'am, I saw them, "No you didn't!" ma'am, I did. "NO! you didn't!" ma'am, I did, and I noticed you took them this evening, by your empty day-of the-week case..."Oh."

another common favorite, "Leave me ALONE!" well, you called us to come help you, "well don't touch me!" ok, do you need to go to the hospital? "NO!" ok, why did you call 911 then? "because I needed help!" ok, well let us help you then, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I have to giggle in the most professional of ways, but I can't help myself, bless them. I can't remember how many homes I've been to, that the walls are covered in photos of children and grandchildren.  Or the veteran, whom has scores of military photos and medals across the wall. I love to hold their fraile and bony hands, some of them not knowing where or who they are, to just give them a sense of comfort. More often than not, their hands are freezing, from poor circulation. As upset as they are, and as rude as they can be, I always think of their loved ones, and the history they carry with them. I try to always remember I'll be in their place someday, and hope someone will treat me kindly and with dignity. In a lot of cases, it's hard for them to feel of importance anymore. I try to make sure the 15 minutes they spend with me, I learn from them. Too many times I've visited homes where it seems they are forgotton. They just need assisitance getting back into bed, and want to talk to you all day long. I'll never forget, a sweet older gentleman I was called to transport back to his care facility. As I got him settled into his room, he began to point out pictures of his horses, and the various things he had hung on his wall. I sat down and let him show me. He showed me picture after picture, and my partner had to come find me. I told the man I had to leave, thanked him for showing me everything and hoped he take care. As I left, I noticed a picture. Then, the name on his room door. It hit me, that I knew who he was. His son had worked with my father on the ambulance, and was a firefighter for another city. While he'll never know that I had spent time with his father, it struck a chord that I need to respect my elders, for he had taught his children well.  I had heard of stories where his son had been a great friend and partner, to my dad, I'm thankful for that.

The "I can't" syndrome...

Yes. I did. I signed myself up. My fire dept. runs the marathon as a group, and I wanted to be a part of it. What am I thinking? Seriously. I'm told time after time, how it's nothing, and you can walk that in 30 minutes (not really, but you get the point) and I believed all the lies. I used to be an avid runner, I dunno what happened. I do have the height thing waaay against me on this one. I'm slowly but surely trying to train, but what gets me is the "you can't" I hear over and over in my head. Now I'm all about, positive thinking and accomplishment for everyone, even my worst enemy, but for the life of me, I can't do it for myself. When I made it through fire school, twice I might add, I had never been happier. Mostly because I told myself I couldn't do it through the entire process. Not to mention, plenty of people against me in the class. But I'll never forget the people who pushed for me along the way. More importantly, I'll never forget, a special moment I shared, with a now deceased firefighter in my first run through fire school. Mario. He worked for a fire department to the south of me, and also one to the north of me. He worked as a flight medic on a helicopter in the area as well. That day, he was working at a fire dept...I tested for my fire skills there, and as I walked out, he stopped me and asked how I did. I told him, "I think I did ok to my surprise!" I wil never, ever forget his face lighting up, his true and genuine excitement that I had done well. He lifted his fist in an "alright!!" and I don't think I could have ever known, how powerful that really was going to be. At the time, it was incredibly huge, that a career firefighter, and a male, was so supportive of little old me. I think I beamed for months after that. I bumped into him a few more times when dropping of patients at hospitals, and was always reminded of his true, genuine attitude towards me, and I'd beam for months again. Tragically, he was killed a few years later. I'll never bump into him again. But what I do have, is that memory, some 10 years ago now, of him being so proud of me, and excited for my accomplishment despite knowing me personally. I was so insecure of my size and being female, and still am. He made my career, with about 30 seconds of his time. With that said, you never know how much a small thing can impact someone. I'll train, and run in the marathon with my fire brothers, and at the end, I'll be reminded of Marios face, after my fire testing, his approval and his pat on my back, will always be a constant reminder to me that "I can."

KB wins

While I've always been a fan of the Oscars, the dresses, the hair, the jewelry, I have always shouted the disclaimer, that teachers, police, fire, EMS, should recieve such publicized honors as much as actors do.  I spent the evening with my close friends, one of which I have known throughout my fire/EMS career, Cody, who is now a captain where I work. We had a fun night, and myself and my best friend Julia, were cheering on Kathryn Bigelow in hopes she'd be the first female to win as a director.  She won. We screamed and hollered and were SO excited for the huge step she made for all women. After, her film The Hurt Locker won for best picture as well!! We screamed again, and neither of us have seen the movie. After the other two men gave their acceptance speech, one pulled her to the microphone. She dedicated her previous Oscar win, to the men and women serving in the military, and rightly so.  This time, she dedicated it to the men and women in uniform everyday, Fire, EMS police, etc. My jaw dropped.... I went silent for a second then completely tried to hold it together (especially in front of my fire captain...) that not only we were recognized at the biggest event for all of film, but that it was by the first female winner. Major props, Kathryn Bigelow. Thank you, for the recognition...

Little Feet.

My poor duty boots have had it. They are barely holding it together. The zipper has gone out, they wont stay on, they are officially ready to retire as fire boots. I thank them, for the many calls they supported me on. However, a problem has emerged. My feet are so blasted small, I can't find small enough boots. This is a classic tale, and small boots are hard to come by in the fire service, as your typical firefighter is rough and tough and bulky and manly, not short, chubby, petite, and clumsy. I went to our supplier today, and "oooh'ed" and "aaaah'ed" over many a pair, to which I was SHOT DOWN with each request, as they only came in mens, and not even close to my size in mens or womens. Now, being the shoe freak that I am, I have NEVER been shot down for shoes. I have an entire closet dedicated to my shoes, and buy a lot at a time, so this was new to me.  I am typically lucky, as my shoes are sometimes on sale since the lot has been picked over and the smallest and largest are all that is left. The salesman took me over to a catalog, to which he thumbed through for any of the monstrous black superhero lookers I wanted, to no avail. I was excited that they could possibly be ordered in, but that was also shot down. I told him thank you, bowed my head and turned around towards the exit. As I left, it was pouring rain, just as I felt. The search for boots is on. In the meantime, so is the search for the munchkin fire department in OZ, where I belong!

Delicious Bass..and THANKS!!

I'm trying something new today. It's called tilapia, and I'm scared. The fellas a t the station are making me eat their fish for lunch. I'm trying to eat more healthy, so hopefully it wont tast like it. I asked my partners on the truck today, Jake and Britt, what I should write about, and they said "a delicious bass....."  I am hoping that I rather enjoy it, as if we get any sort of unpleasant medical call, or a working fire, I may be in trouble. Things at the station are slow so far today, I'm studying, Jake and Britt are working on some fire tests, and the rescue is off grocery shopping for our bass. While I'm thouroghly enjoying my day, I would love to get a much needed nap in, or "safety nap" due to my latest squabbles in insomnia land.  

THANK YOU

On a more serious note, THANK YOU to all who follow this site, and to all who just stop by for a gander. I really love the comments and notes I get, from any and all people. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart, for checking out my blog, it truly is entertaining to write, especially knowing you stop by for a spell :)