The "I can't" syndrome...

Yes. I did. I signed myself up. My fire dept. runs the marathon as a group, and I wanted to be a part of it. What am I thinking? Seriously. I'm told time after time, how it's nothing, and you can walk that in 30 minutes (not really, but you get the point) and I believed all the lies. I used to be an avid runner, I dunno what happened. I do have the height thing waaay against me on this one. I'm slowly but surely trying to train, but what gets me is the "you can't" I hear over and over in my head. Now I'm all about, positive thinking and accomplishment for everyone, even my worst enemy, but for the life of me, I can't do it for myself. When I made it through fire school, twice I might add, I had never been happier. Mostly because I told myself I couldn't do it through the entire process. Not to mention, plenty of people against me in the class. But I'll never forget the people who pushed for me along the way. More importantly, I'll never forget, a special moment I shared, with a now deceased firefighter in my first run through fire school. Mario. He worked for a fire department to the south of me, and also one to the north of me. He worked as a flight medic on a helicopter in the area as well. That day, he was working at a fire dept...I tested for my fire skills there, and as I walked out, he stopped me and asked how I did. I told him, "I think I did ok to my surprise!" I wil never, ever forget his face lighting up, his true and genuine excitement that I had done well. He lifted his fist in an "alright!!" and I don't think I could have ever known, how powerful that really was going to be. At the time, it was incredibly huge, that a career firefighter, and a male, was so supportive of little old me. I think I beamed for months after that. I bumped into him a few more times when dropping of patients at hospitals, and was always reminded of his true, genuine attitude towards me, and I'd beam for months again. Tragically, he was killed a few years later. I'll never bump into him again. But what I do have, is that memory, some 10 years ago now, of him being so proud of me, and excited for my accomplishment despite knowing me personally. I was so insecure of my size and being female, and still am. He made my career, with about 30 seconds of his time. With that said, you never know how much a small thing can impact someone. I'll train, and run in the marathon with my fire brothers, and at the end, I'll be reminded of Marios face, after my fire testing, his approval and his pat on my back, will always be a constant reminder to me that "I can."